I SHALL WORSHIP NO FALSE IDOLS

Leif Garrett is in rehab again. Ah, Leif. LeifLeifLeif. What a lovely picture of you. The orange prison jumpsuit accents the receding hairline and the giant scab between your eye brows quite nicely. Did somebody in jail beat the crap out of you for being the biggest thing to hit Tiger Beat magazine in 1978?
I was among your followers, you had kissable lips and tight satin pants, who could not go crazy for that? in 1979...
I saw you on stage at the Puyallup fair, you with those lips, you with those pants, surrounded by screaming 13 year olds all high on Bonne Bell lipgloss and a dream TO BE MRS. LEIF GARRETT. Yes we all wanted to marry the tight satin pants and be introduced to what was in them. Does any body want what's in your orange jumpsuit?
This part of my youth did not go fleetingly, it most certainly did not go gracefully.
It laughed so hard it farted loudly in front of a bunch of people and then curled up in a ball and died from shame.