WHY I'M GONE

I'm painting.
Pictures...? OK. Soon. Soon.

THE PIPES, THE PIPES ARE CALLING

What the hell happened to Danny Bonaduce? I watched an episode of the train wreck that is Breaking Bonaduce, his new reality show. Puffed up and angry on way to many steroids, Danny struts around like a crazed gorilla threatening his friends and the camera crew, and jumping into a random car after running into the street waving his fists. He then obsesses and cries over failed attempts to dominate his wife, and finishes off the hour by trying to commit suicide. If this was acting he's a better actor than I gave him credit for. It was funny to watch Anna Nicole Smith fall apart, you knew it was all her phony drama. He's actually scary and uncomfortable to look at. I won't be watching it again.
I had the biggest crush on him as a kid. Yes, I watched the Partridge Family and missed the whole Keith Partridge thing, it went right past me. He was too pretty, Danny had a sense of humor. Seeing him now is truly depressing. Danny, flush the roids and find another way to make a living. PLEASE. I'd like my youthful illusions to remain intact.

I JUST DON'T GET THIS

It's 2005 isn't it? Did I suddenly wake up IN 18-TICKETY-TWO?? Why is is this even an issue? Why are there people out there who want their children to be stupid? I am not religious, but I think the purpose of religion... IN TWO THOUSAND AND FIVE!.... is to give people something to believe in if they need it, not as school curriculum.
How can humans make such amazing advances in science and technology, yet remain so fundamentally retarded? Please explain this to me!!
AAAAAHHHGG.

HARRISBURG, Pa. - Evolutionary theory should be taught to science students, but it alone cannot explain complex biological phenomenon, said a biochemistry professor who is a leading advocate of "intelligent design."
Lehigh University Professor Michael Behe was the first witness called by a school board that is requiring students to hear a statement about the intelligent design concept in biology class. Lawyers for the Dover Area School Board began presenting their case Monday in the landmark federal trial, which could decide whether it can be mentioned in public school science classes as an alternative to the theory of evolution.
Behe, whose work includes a 1996 best-seller called "Darwin's Black Box," said students should be taught evolution because it's widely used in science and that "any well-educated student should understand it."
Behe, however, argues that evolution cannot fully explain the biological complexities of life, suggesting the work of an intelligent force.
The school board is defending its decision a year ago to require students to hear a statement on intelligent design before ninth-grade biology lessons on evolution. The statement says Charles Darwin's theory is "not a fact," has inexplicable "gaps," and refers students to a textbook, "Of Pandas and People," for more information.
Behe contributed to the 1993 edition of "Of Pandas and People," writing a section about blood-clotting. He told a federal judge Monday that in the book, he made a scientific argument that blood-clotting "is poorly explained by Darwinian processes but well explained by design."
Eight families sued to have intelligent design removed from the biology curriculum, contending the policy essentially promotes the Bible's view of creation and therefore violates the constitutional separation of church and state.
Mainstream scientists have rejected intelligent design as scientifically untested and contend that its supporters focus on attacking evolutionary theory rather than providing evidence for design.
Lehigh's biology department sought to distance itself from Behe in August, posting a statement on its Web site that says the faculty "are unequivocal in their support of evolutionary theory." He earned tenure at Lehigh before becoming a proponent, which lets him express his views without the threat of losing his job.
The trial began Sept. 26 and is expected to last up to five weeks.
The plaintiffs are represented by a team put together by the
American Civil Liberties Union American Civil Liberties Union and Americans United for Separation of Church and State. The school district is being represented by the Thomas More Law Center, a public-interest law firm based in Ann Arbor, Mich., that says its mission is to defend the religious freedom of Christians.

EVIL

More on Little House, who knew 1970's pioneer melodrama with strong religious undertones would make good blog fodder.
Chris: Is this the season with Shannon Dougherty in it?
Angie: Yep, she plays a crippled orphan girl with a limp and she talks funny.
Chris: SWEET!!!

CAKE

Today I'm starting the long process of making a wedding cake. On Friday there will be pictures to post. I have, however, managed to dye my thumb bright red with food coloring and crammed my freezer full of cake. Wee!
More in a few days.

FREEDOM? MY ENTIRE ASS.

RENO, NEVADA -- A Woodland, Wash., woman was booted off a Southwest Airlines flight for wearing a T-shirt bearing an expletive along with the pictures of President Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.
The T-shirt featured a phrase similar to the popular film title "Meet the Fockers."
Lorrie Heasley said she plans to press a civil-rights complaint against the airline over Tuesday's action at Reno-Tahoe International Airport, halfway through Heasley's scheduled trip from Los Angeles to Portland, Ore.
"I have cousins in Iraq and other relatives going to war," Heasley told the Reno Gazette-Journal. "Here we are trying to free another country and I have to get off an airplane ... over a T-shirt. That's not freedom."
Southwest Airlines spokeswoman Marilee McInnis said several passengers complained about the shirt.
Heasley, a 32-year-old lumber saleswoman, said passengers began complaining after she and her husband, Ron, moved to the front of the cabin in Reno.
She agreed to cover the words with a sweatshirt, but when the sweatshirt slipped while she was trying to sleep, she was ordered to wear her T-shirt inside-out or leave.
She and her husband left. They arrived home in a rental car Wednesday afternoon.
McInnis said Southwest rules allow the airline to deny boarding to any passenger whose clothing is "lewd, obscene or patently offensive."
But Allen Lichtenstein, lawyer for the American Civil Liberties Union in Las Vegas, said it "might be problematic" that the airline "changed rules in the middle of a flight."
Heasley said she has been in touch with ACLU lawyers in Seattle, and wants Southwest to reimburse her for the last leg of the trip.

WHAT DID MY PANTS EVER DO TO YOU?

This is a story from my salad days. Now that I'm 40 I figure I need to practice annoying those younger than myself with tales of the old days.
Picture it....Seattle 1987, I'm walking home from work wearing my usual work clothes. Lycra bike shorts and something with shoulder pads. Coming down the other side of the street was a man in a polyester leisure suit. Living on Capital Hill, I really paid him no notice 'till we got closer and he started yelling at my pants."OH MY GOD! THOSE ARE SOOO TIGHT! YOU LOOK TERRIBLE!! YOU NEED TO GO HOME AND CHANGE!!!" Bear in mind I was a size 5 at the time with no cellulite and a great butt. Hell, not only did I look good in lycra bike shorts, I practically had government orders to wear them.
OK, if I was walking around dressed like that TODAY polyester guy would be justified in making a citizens arrest and forcing me to wear one of those Martha Stewart ankle bracelets to keep me from leaving the house, but, hey people...SIZE FIVE!!! so I yelled something about his stupid leisure suit and made sure to wiggle my butt a whole extra lot all the way home.
Today nobody yells at my pants, and you know what? I actually like it better this way.
Mostly.

THE SEAGULL GETS ONE PHONE CALL

Shelly and I are good friends, so she will forgive me for immortalizing her in this way. I hope.
A couple of years ago, we were out and 'aboot' in Vancouver doing a little shopping. Minding our own business looking at shoes and bitching about things, you know, girl stuff, when it happened. PLOP.
Just as we left one shoe store to walk into another shoe store...one tree and a seagull with the shits and expert marksmanship changed everything.
PLOP.
"I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or throw up" Shelly said quietly. The bomb hit her directly in the eye. Somehow the maniacal bird had managed to miss her glasses completely, and send a yellowish brown blob the size of a fried egg oozing from eyebrow to cheek.
Ever the quick thinking girl on the go, I ran for the nearest Burger King for napkins, leaving poor Shellswick to try to ignore the street musician with the guitar case full of change trying to engage her in conversation about the large turd on her face. As I returned with napkins to help her clean up and put some Visine in her eye, the street musician guy assured us he "saw the bird that did it" as if we were going to need him to identify it in a police line up later.
Shopping is not to be kept waiting. Not even by temporary poop-blindness, so ahead we forged, and the Legend of the Bird was already news.
Two women talking to each other in the shoe store, obviously not aware we were standing next to them: "Did you see that? Her friend just ran away from her after that bird pooped on her, why would someone just run away like that?"
Canadians will tell the story of 'The Bird and the Girl With the Grotty Eye Who's Friend Ran Away From Her' for years, but it always ends the same. The girl cleaned off her eye, went home and roasted a large chicken for dinner. THE END.

SPOILED ROTTEN

Thank you to everybody, friends and family alike for an AMAZING birthday!
I'm spoiled and lucky. You guys are great!

IT HURTS WHEN I DO THIS...

Little House on the Prairie makes me laugh. Though deadly serious in my worship of Laura Ingalls Wilder 30 years ago...I watch it now and wonder how my parents put up with this every week.
Cut to scene with Doc Baker and a 'one episode expendable' boy called Timmy.
Having just confronted his expendabilty, Timmy is delirious with fever.
Doc Baker: "Timmy, whats wrong?"
Timmy: "Doc, am I going to die?"
Doc Baker:" Now Timmy you listen to me. You're young and you're strong, and I'm going to see you play that accordion again."

For sale, one slightly used accordion....