WHAT DID MY PANTS EVER DO TO YOU?

This is a story from my salad days. Now that I'm 40 I figure I need to practice annoying those younger than myself with tales of the old days.
Picture it....Seattle 1987, I'm walking home from work wearing my usual work clothes. Lycra bike shorts and something with shoulder pads. Coming down the other side of the street was a man in a polyester leisure suit. Living on Capital Hill, I really paid him no notice 'till we got closer and he started yelling at my pants."OH MY GOD! THOSE ARE SOOO TIGHT! YOU LOOK TERRIBLE!! YOU NEED TO GO HOME AND CHANGE!!!" Bear in mind I was a size 5 at the time with no cellulite and a great butt. Hell, not only did I look good in lycra bike shorts, I practically had government orders to wear them.
OK, if I was walking around dressed like that TODAY polyester guy would be justified in making a citizens arrest and forcing me to wear one of those Martha Stewart ankle bracelets to keep me from leaving the house, but, hey people...SIZE FIVE!!! so I yelled something about his stupid leisure suit and made sure to wiggle my butt a whole extra lot all the way home.
Today nobody yells at my pants, and you know what? I actually like it better this way.
Mostly.