IT BEGINS

The weather forecast has a snowflake in it. I tell myself I'm too jaded, that they lie and every year I am disappointed. Yet every year I hyperventilate over that snowflake.
It won't happen, rain will piss down and it won't get cold enough to kill a fruitfly.
While "Wet Christmas" is a fine theme for holiday porn, my inner child is tired of being sodomised by that stupid snowflake.
Truly, this is the year I stop looking at the forecast.

THANK YOU ALL

For your support and kind wishes. The funeral, though hard, was very nice and packed with friends. Jeannette would have loved it.

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/11/14/toy.jesus.ap/index.html?dedebbil

For two hundred dollars and the dinette set...what "popular" actor /Jebus snuff film creator does this doll look like?

DATE AND TIME

We are sending emails with the date and time for the interrment and service. If you don't have email we will call you, please call us if you'd like to go and don't hear from us in a couple of days.
Thanks to you all.

EARLY FRIDAY MORNING

The night nurse in the terminal ward was amazing. She met me at the elevator with a mask and let me in Jeannettes room despite my cold. It's only now I realize if I weren't so sick I would have been sitting in Gem ID class with my cell turned off, Chris may not have contacted me in time to be there for him and for the last three hours of her life. Since it was just Chris and his dad I needed to be there, for myself as well as them. Things do happen for a reason, I guess.
The three of us sat with her watching her shallow breathing with just an oxygen mask, no tube. We told her it was time to go and we would all take care of each other so she didn't have to worry. The nurse said she truly believed that most of the time the dying can hear you, I agree.
She was very kind and brought us snacks and drinks, also coming in every 10 minutes to make sure Jeannette got a steady morphine amount to keep her completely comfortable at the end. The nurse came in at exactly the right moment, knowing when to remove the mask and give the last morphine injecton. She said "tell me about her" and we talked for a few minutes.
Jeanette took a few deep labored breaths While the nurse held one hand Chris held the other and I stroked her hair, Larry had to turn around and take a couple of breaths for himself at this point, his heart was breaking. We told her we loved her and the nurse said "thank you for letting me take care of you" as Jeannette passed . She left us alone with her for a couple of minutes and it was done. Nothing but random electrical impulses going through the body. No more pain.
Thank you to the nurse who's name I was too flustered to remember. Everything you did was carefully timed and planned to help us all through this, I am just now seeing that. You were never pushy or obtrusive, just kind and helpful.
We opted for an autopsy as UW is a teaching hospital and she was a teacher. She would be happy to know students are going to continue to learn from her even after her death.
Maybe she can help save someone else in the future.
Many of you have asked what can you do.
Call your mom.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE

Chris and I will be spending the day fielding calls and blubbering. If we don't get to talk to you we will soon. We feel the good vibes being sent by people who love us.
Thank You All. We will keep in touch.
As Jen reminded me just now..call your moms if you can, tell them you love them.

Tonight I lost my second mom, Chris lost his mother, Larry lost his wife. The world lost one of the genuinely kindest people I've ever known.
Goodbye Jeannette, Godspeed.

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Update: Chris' mom is still laboring to breathe, but is getting enough oxygen on her own for now. The tube is not an issue yet. But the pain is getting worse, the sounds from the the other end of the phone tell me it's not good.
Thanks to my Mom for the sage and sound advice. She's been on both sides of the hospital bed and knows her stuff in these situations.
All I can do from here is call the doctors and ask questions, I will be talking to him in a few minutes.
...and blog.
more later.

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Chris just called from his meeting with the doctors.
His mom will go back on chemo if they can stabilise her breathing. In order to do this, she will need to be put on a breathing tube. According to the doctors, most people do not come off the breathing tube once they're on it. She does not want this. However she is on MANY drugs for pain and anxiety and has wavered many times from wanting to die to 'i'll make it through this."
Chris is unable to get ahold of his dad, as he is an old guy with no cell phone. He is probably in route to UW from Skagit county now. Chris feels pressured to make a descision. If she doesn't get the oxygen tube she could stop breathing all together.
I want to take a cab there and be with him, I can help, I know I can.
Unfortunately she's been moved to a ward where you can't get past the front desk if you have a cold or any kind of illness so they won't let me in.
God damn.

UPDATE

Chris' mom is not getting better. It's scary how fast this is happening. What we know for sure at this point is she does not have cancer of the nerve endings. We are still waiting on results of several tests. Her breathing is not good and she has lost most of the use of her arms and legs, yet there's no numbness, she's in alot of pain. Chris is in a meeting at the hospital right now to help decide how to proceed with treatment. I think they are reluctant to go forward with chemo because she is so weak already. She is extremely depressed and in and out of severe panic attacks.
This is such a weight on Chris. I know first hand how this feels and what it does. He has too much on his shoulders right now. My poor sweet Boo.
All the stress and time in the hospital has made me sick...again. I now have to make up a day of my class this summer before I can get a letter of completion.
Son of a bitch.