ALL OUT OF GRANDPARENTS


This has been a year of death for my family. My last two living grandparents died within a few months of each other, leaving pain and drama of different kinds.
I didn't know my dads mom all that well. She treated my mom like crap so my brother, sister and I were distanced from that side of the family. Dad never stepped in on either side of the issue, leaving the three of us in the middle of a family tug of war. Grandma never asked to see us during this time, that I know of anyway.
She was my grandmother, I do have some small knowledge and memories of her.
This is what I know:
-She made great carrot cookies.
-Every year she dragged out the same artificial Christmas tree circa 1962. Basically a green stick with matching green bottle brushes attached to it at various angles. Due to her age, and shrinking ability to reach up to decorate, the tree also shrank . She cut it down by a couple of inches at the bottom every year. Last time I saw it, the tree was about four feet tall.
-Despite what my mom says, I believe she did, in fact, have a sense of humor. No sense of irony though. This tended to make her seem dull and squishy to those with a sharp pointy wit.
- She had a very hard life. I hope the next one is easier, Grandma. I really do.

I cannot speak for my siblings, but I am not playing this family tug of war any more.
Your death has taught me this much, so thank you.

My moms dad passed away a couple of months ago, on my moms birthday, a story for another time, maybe.
For now, this is what I know about Grandpa:
-He never cooked anything, except to make pancakes for his grandkids. MONUMENTAL STACKS OF PANCAKES!
GREAT BIBLICAL PILES OF PANCAKES!
THE TOWERING INFERNO OF BREAKFAST!
They were good, and he knew it. He would cook untill our eyes rolled up into the backs of our heads and at least one of us threatened to throw up from overeating. ( for the record, " eat all your pancakes, it'll put hair on your chest!" is not generally considered motivation by a prepubescent girl.)
-He would empty the change out of his pockets into the cushions of his recliner then act suprised when we found it. This led to a few arguments over who would get to "clean the chair". I think this amused him as much as letting us keep the money.
-Everyday objects were given bizzare, completely made up names.
why have an orange when you can have gornjie-gooches
plain old eggs became googies
mere pants? sir, I wear housey-pantses!
Weirdness so deeply ingrained I sometimes find myself blurting out "googies" in front of total strangers like everyone knows I am talking about eggs. At this point, people will look like they are going to stage a telethon to help me get well again.


-I didn't really like you. I wish I had. I wish you'd liked me. I was your first grandchild and you were the only grandpa I really knew. I loved you though, always loved you.

-The last time I saw you I promised I'd come back to visit . I never did.

Your death has taken a chunk out of this family. Mom is scrambling a bit to keep tenuous connections going. I don't think it's working. Maybe we shouldn't even try. Maybe it's too late.
I miss you in a way that feels out of sinc, like a voice that comes half a second after someone moves their mouth to speak.
I think it's time to move forward, try to get back to whatever passes for normal, but I won't forget.
Every time I eat pancakes I think of you.