olive me

MICROSCOPE LUST

2007-04-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a VERY generous husband who knows that I will, someday, actually earn real money with an actual skill and he can actually freelance if he wants to, I have gem testing equipment, including a basic gem microscope. I loooooove it. Looking at stones makes me happy inside!
I laughed at myself as I was watching one of my "crime scene investigation" shows the other night. Lab workers were using this GINORMOUS microscope and I geeked all over myself oooh-ing and aaah-ing.
I am a geek for many things, but I never thought I'd be adding scientific equipment to that list.
Weird.

AMERICA IS SAFE....FROM ME.

2007-04-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

So, today Chris and I were supposed to go to a welding class. We thought welding would be a fun thing to learn. The class was to be 4 hours today and 4 tomorrow in a studio space in Georgetown. We bought long sleeved shirts, not t-shirts ( required) and leather gloves with no fabric on them ( required ) and brought $30.00 each for materials on top of the $300.00 we paid for both of us to take the class in the first place .
We drove in circles a couple of times but eventually found it in amongst the shipping containers and chain link fences that litter the area. The directions mentioned a "guard shack" and to bring ID because the "guard" had a list of who was in the class. Fair enough, I guess. I wasn't sure why a welding studio needed a "guard shack" but whatever. The "guard" looked at Chris' drivers license, no problem, asked us if we were in Mimi's class ( that's the instructors name) and looked at my ID card. "This is expired. Sorry we cant allow anyone on government land with an expired ID." Mimi showed up and asked him if he could let us in. Nope. He is just doing his job and his boss would blahblahblah...strict laws since 911 etc...etc.
Mimi informed us that she couldn't refund our money as it was the day of the class and wouldn't bump anyone from another class but would let us know if there was a cancellation in the future. Nice.
OK first off. So I was supposed to renew my ID card six months ago... my HATRED of having my picture taken and having to carry the thing around for 5 years topped with the fact that not driving or travelling in the near future or at all has meant I have not needed it. With an ID, an old one works fine for the signature and picture. UNLESS, apparently, you are on government property. Perhaps Mimi is a welder for the CIA or has a government grant for the space. Either way, today I renewed my ID, they stole my soul, (I look doughy and pissed off ) and Chris and I are out $300.00.
Also, your children, nay all Americans are safer knowing I will not learn how to make a decorative towel rack.

EARLY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

2007-03-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

Your name is Shelly and you enjoy chocolate. Your hair is red and our husbands are friends. You make good Italian food and you like makeup. You are funny and nice and like shopping alot.
Bad TV and unicorns make you happy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHELLY!!!

SHOELACES

2007-03-27T12:18:00.000-07:00

I have been searching for extra long boot laces for my new boots! YAY!! New boots! Boots that actually fit my freakish calves. The shoelaces need to be a wee bit longer to make that work. One would think finding plain black extra long boot laces in the vast series of tubes that is the interweb would be easy. Not so much. Here's what I did find: stethoscopes....I don't get it either, tip jar stripper shoes, many different kinds of curly laces that "never need to be tied!" ( sad, sad, sad ) and this guy .
I'm still looking.

I'M A MAGICAL BITCHING PRINCESS

2007-02-28T19:24:00.000-08:00

It snowed. 3 for 3!

SNOWJO

2007-02-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm 2 for 2 so here goes.
It's not going to snow, the only way those stupid weather people would be able to see snow is if it was snowing in their ass 'cause that's where their heads are...yeah, so there! HA.
Keep yer fingers crossed.

NO CURE FOR STUPIDITY

2007-02-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know I go to an acupuncturist on a fairly regular basis. While waiting for my appointment I picked up a couple of brochures on FAQ'S about acupuncture. BOTH brochures have the question " does Chinese medicine only work if you're Chinese?"
Seriously, this is a question people actually have? REALLY?

CUNT

2007-02-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

In Florida there is a live theater showing the Vagina Monologues. A woman driving by with her young niece saw the sign and her niece asked her "what's a vagina?" Later that day the theater got a call telling them to change the marquee.
So they did.
It gets worse
presenting the...
HOO-HAA MONOLOGUES.
To the theater: If one complaint is all it takes to scare you into "not offending anybody" I'm complaining for you to change it back. Pussies.
To the Aunt: What the hell is wrong with you? Inflicting your weird prudishness on a child who now thinks she is the proud owner of a hoo-haa is ten kinds of wrong. See a shrink. Buy a vibrator. Get a clue.

Now if you'll excuse me , my pumpum is full and has to make a boomboom.

WHICH ISLE ARE THE ADULT DIAPERS ON?

2007-01-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks I've been getting bad headaches and feeling dizzy and queasy. My glasses seem to be making things worse. Shelly ( bless yer hide, girl ) saw that I was nauseous and didn't want to look at stuff and took me to my eye doctor appointment. I found out I need bifocals. Wah. In just 5 years of needing glasses at all I need bifocals.
Sorry if anythings misspelled, I don't get my new glasses till next week.
What was I talking about..? oh, yeah, in my day we walked 10 miles in the snow to buy glasses...

MATCHGAME

2007-01-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

The weather forecasters in Seattle wouldn't know BLANK if it was falling out of their own BLANK.

HOORAY FOR HANNAH!

2007-01-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

I just had a great experience with an online retailer. Made With Love by Hannah For awhile now I have coveted the green shirt with the gnomes on it. My sister Anne-Marie, got it for me. She got the 1x which is the largest they make and it was extremely tight on me. This made me sad as the screen printing and thickness of the fabric were a great quality and the color was perfect. I wear a 1x pretty much everywhere I shop.
As some of you know, though more belly dancing is in my future, I will not diet again unless medically ordered to do so, maybe not even then. Long story short, I'm not starving myself to squeeze into something that according to the tag should fit me in the first place.
I e-mailed Hannah, and she replied she would be happy to MAKE one for me at no extra charge.
WOW. Not only are the clothes cute and well made. She really cares about her customers.
It bears repeating, Made With Love by Hannah go there, buy stuff.

HELLO ANDY!!

2006-12-26T16:49:00.000-08:00

Welcome Andrew Fleischman! Congratulations to Tiffany Dave and Max.
For pics go to www.fleischmanland.com

HAIKU

2006-12-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

FOIL WRAPPED CARDBOARD TUBE.
WAXY CHOCOLATE TASTES BROWN.
FLICKS, DON'T MISS YOU MUCH.

NO BUTT STREET BOYS

2006-12-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

There are definitive versions of Holiday songs, old and new, that are never, NE-VER to be fucked with. Consider yourself warned. They are as follows:
White Christmas- Bing Crosby
Blue Christmas- Elvis
Holly Jolly Christmas- Burl Ives
The Christmas Song- Nat King Cole
Santa Baby- Eartha Kitt
Feliz Navidad- Jose Feliciano
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree -Brenda Lee
Sleigh ride- Johnny Mathis, or the one with the whip cracks.
Christmas Wrapping- The Waitresses ( YOU HEARD ME. LISTEN TO IT.)
War is Over- John Lennon & Yoko ( NO AMERICAN IDOLS, NO BUTT STREET BOYS, PLEASE. )
Even the version of Carol of the Bells by the obligatory "who the hell are they" Mannheim Steamroller isn't half bad...I know, it's Unofficially
on this list.
There are many good versions of Little Drummer Boy, perhaps most stangely and notably Bing Crosby and David Bowie, their voices work well together.
AND...SPANK ME NOW... Feed The World./ Do They Know It's Christmas Time. I grew up in the eighties..forgive me.

There are many, many versions of the more religious carols that I like, but being uneducated and all, can't say who does them. My parents had an ancient record of songs I grew up with by studio singer-nobodies. It's wonderful.

Play " Mary did you know" by Michael English "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" by the guy who whistles through his dentures, or the "Cat Carol" by anyone, and I will be forced by good taste to disembowel you with a spoon.

Don't sass me.
Merry Christmas.

BEST. SAMPLE. EVER.

2006-12-02T21:46:00.000-08:00

Mini candy canes dipped in warm melted dark chocolate.
Central market rocks.

IT BEGINS

2006-11-23T18:26:00.000-08:00

The weather forecast has a snowflake in it. I tell myself I'm too jaded, that they lie and every year I am disappointed. Yet every year I hyperventilate over that snowflake.
It won't happen, rain will piss down and it won't get cold enough to kill a fruitfly.
While "Wet Christmas" is a fine theme for holiday porn, my inner child is tired of being sodomised by that stupid snowflake.
Truly, this is the year I stop looking at the forecast.

THANK YOU ALL

2006-11-20T20:03:00.000-08:00

For your support and kind wishes. The funeral, though hard, was very nice and packed with friends. Jeannette would have loved it.

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE

2006-11-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/11/14/toy.jesus.ap/index.html?dedebbil

For two hundred dollars and the dinette set...what "popular" actor /Jebus snuff film creator does this doll look like?

DATE AND TIME

2006-11-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

We are sending emails with the date and time for the interrment and service. If you don't have email we will call you, please call us if you'd like to go and don't hear from us in a couple of days.
Thanks to you all.

EARLY FRIDAY MORNING

2006-11-11T18:10:00.000-08:00

The night nurse in the terminal ward was amazing. She met me at the elevator with a mask and let me in Jeannettes room despite my cold. It's only now I realize if I weren't so sick I would have been sitting in Gem ID class with my cell turned off, Chris may not have contacted me in time to be there for him and for the last three hours of her life. Since it was just Chris and his dad I needed to be there, for myself as well as them. Things do happen for a reason, I guess.
The three of us sat with her watching her shallow breathing with just an oxygen mask, no tube. We told her it was time to go and we would all take care of each other so she didn't have to worry. The nurse said she truly believed that most of the time the dying can hear you, I agree.
She was very kind and brought us snacks and drinks, also coming in every 10 minutes to make sure Jeannette got a steady morphine amount to keep her completely comfortable at the end. The nurse came in at exactly the right moment, knowing when to remove the mask and give the last morphine injecton. She said "tell me about her" and we talked for a few minutes.
Jeanette took a few deep labored breaths While the nurse held one hand Chris held the other and I stroked her hair, Larry had to turn around and take a couple of breaths for himself at this point, his heart was breaking. We told her we loved her and the nurse said "thank you for letting me take care of you" as Jeannette passed . She left us alone with her for a couple of minutes and it was done. Nothing but random electrical impulses going through the body. No more pain.
Thank you to the nurse who's name I was too flustered to remember. Everything you did was carefully timed and planned to help us all through this, I am just now seeing that. You were never pushy or obtrusive, just kind and helpful.
We opted for an autopsy as UW is a teaching hospital and she was a teacher. She would be happy to know students are going to continue to learn from her even after her death.
Maybe she can help save someone else in the future.
Many of you have asked what can you do.
Call your mom.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE

2006-11-10T10:18:00.000-08:00

Chris and I will be spending the day fielding calls and blubbering. If we don't get to talk to you we will soon. We feel the good vibes being sent by people who love us.
Thank You All. We will keep in touch.
As Jen reminded me just now..call your moms if you can, tell them you love them.

2006-11-10T03:23:00.000-08:00

Tonight I lost my second mom, Chris lost his mother, Larry lost his wife. The world lost one of the genuinely kindest people I've ever known.
Goodbye Jeannette, Godspeed.

2006-11-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

Update: Chris' mom is still laboring to breathe, but is getting enough oxygen on her own for now. The tube is not an issue yet. But the pain is getting worse, the sounds from the the other end of the phone tell me it's not good.
Thanks to my Mom for the sage and sound advice. She's been on both sides of the hospital bed and knows her stuff in these situations.
All I can do from here is call the doctors and ask questions, I will be talking to him in a few minutes.
...and blog.
more later.

2006-11-09T10:07:00.000-08:00

Chris just called from his meeting with the doctors.
His mom will go back on chemo if they can stabilise her breathing. In order to do this, she will need to be put on a breathing tube. According to the doctors, most people do not come off the breathing tube once they're on it. She does not want this. However she is on MANY drugs for pain and anxiety and has wavered many times from wanting to die to 'i'll make it through this."
Chris is unable to get ahold of his dad, as he is an old guy with no cell phone. He is probably in route to UW from Skagit county now. Chris feels pressured to make a descision. If she doesn't get the oxygen tube she could stop breathing all together.
I want to take a cab there and be with him, I can help, I know I can.
Unfortunately she's been moved to a ward where you can't get past the front desk if you have a cold or any kind of illness so they won't let me in.
God damn.

UPDATE

2006-11-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

Chris' mom is not getting better. It's scary how fast this is happening. What we know for sure at this point is she does not have cancer of the nerve endings. We are still waiting on results of several tests. Her breathing is not good and she has lost most of the use of her arms and legs, yet there's no numbness, she's in alot of pain. Chris is in a meeting at the hospital right now to help decide how to proceed with treatment. I think they are reluctant to go forward with chemo because she is so weak already. She is extremely depressed and in and out of severe panic attacks.
This is such a weight on Chris. I know first hand how this feels and what it does. He has too much on his shoulders right now. My poor sweet Boo.
All the stress and time in the hospital has made me sick...again. I now have to make up a day of my class this summer before I can get a letter of completion.
Son of a bitch.

YES VIRGINIA, THERE REALLY WAS A PEE-CHEE

2006-10-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.creativepro.com/story/feature/21870.html

TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR TURD

2006-10-20T19:36:00.001-07:00

METRONATURAL. This is Seattle's new official slogan. According to the Tourist Bureau.
The news sites say it cost 200k and took over a year to come up with this. Oddly, the articles are not saying who came up with it.
Perhaps this is because I crap more creative stuff than this. Chances are you do too.
And it doesn't take a year to do it.

PAPERY THINGS WITH LINES AND CIRCLES ON THEM

2006-10-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

I read a lot. On average two or three books a month. When I was sick with pneumonia last year, I read a book a week. While I know this is unusual, it still floors me to run into people who hate reading. I'm not talking about those who can't read or are impaired by dyslexia. Chances are most of them would LOVE to read a book a week if they could.
Last year I read a fascinating book by Antonia Frasier about the life of Marie Antoinette. The copy I have features a portion of a painting ( one of many, she was a queen ya know) of the actual Marie Antoinette.
On one of my used book scavenges today at Amazon, I found that same book now has a picture of Kirsten Dunst on the cover.
While I am very intrigued by the movie and will go see it, I gotta know, are we really that dumb? Does a book have to have a picture of a celebrity or a sticker with Oprahs endorsement on the cover to get us to read it?
How many people will see the movie then buy the book only to wonder why the pictures on the inside don't look more like Kirsten Dunst?

A LIST

2006-10-16T14:47:00.000-07:00

Here's what's up. Not necessarily in order of imprortance.
I have a cold.
I'm typing this on a new laptop meet LAPPI 2!!
GIA stuff is kinda screwy
as I'm gearing up for a week of 10 hour days at classes and labs.
Chris' boss is out on extended leave and he is taking over for her and doing his job.
Chris' mom has lymphoma.

That's about it.

BELLY!!!!!

2006-09-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

Suzy and I went to our first Power Belly class last night at Visionary Dance Productions in Fremont. I finally found a form of excersize I love. Not like, I said LOVE. Holy crap, what fun! Delilah, owner and teacher is truly amazing. She loves what she does and after making me sweat like never before for an entire non-stop hour I did not hate her, not even a little. Women of all shapes and abilities were there, yet another reason to like it. The spangly scarf is fun too!

SO LONG STEVE-O

2006-09-06T17:10:00.000-07:00

Steve Irwin died the way he lived. Spectacularly. While he certainly leaves behind a wonderful legacy of animal conservation, I keep thinking about what else we all can take from his short but amazing life. Passion, the ability to live completely and fully taking huge bites and never regretting a moment of it. Always doing what you love because you love it and being brave enough to do it your way no matter what.
Pretty spectacular.
Long live your memory.

BACK FROM THE DEAD TO BITCH ABOUT SOMETHING

2006-09-06T10:24:00.000-07:00

Starbucks is going back to it's old logo. It's about time. If you've never seen it, go to the original Starbucks in Pike Place Market. The logo is a more realistic, less sanitized, topless two tailed mermaid with a crown and long flowing hair. I think it's pretty cool. Some people, however don't.
Apparently, the mermaids titties are causing an uproar with the uptight. Teachers are afraid students will be distracted by two circles with dots in them on the coffee cups. The politically correct are, as usual, pretty much wrong. You all make me tired. Drink your coffee and get a life.

FINALLY!!!!

2006-07-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

I am SOOOOO HAPPY!! Shelly is finally approved to come to the U.S.! and...she can go back to visit her family with no problem. This means she will be her that much sooner!
We've all missed you Shellswick.

OK SHELLY, HERE YOU GO.

2006-07-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

The latest..
plumbers are back, readjusting for the new sink, which is pretty.
The new countertop is also pretty! Lime green. Yummy.
I got a filling, in a spasm of dental irony. Apparently if you trace it backwards it goes like this:
Adult teeth grew in sideways so braces were needed. Braces caused severe receeding in gums so grafting was needed. Grafting calls for prescription mouthwash. Prescription mouthwash that as a side effect makes tartar adhere better to your teeth. Tartar makes cavities. Filling.
aaaaaaag.

DONE!!!

2006-07-01T18:28:00.000-07:00

Woo hoo! Finally, the plumbers are done. We may need a couple more things done in the future but the majority is finished! Thanks Salii for letting me crash at your place last week. You can use the new toilet any time you want!

OH-DE-TOILET

2006-06-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

The plumbers are installing a new toilet tomorrow. Honestly, I am more excited about this than I was about the new TV. Copper pipes are pretty.

PLUMBING

2006-06-27T09:55:00.001-07:00

The plumbing is getting replaced as I type this. It was supposed to be last week, but the schedule got screwed up. We are not having any problems with the job they're doing, it's going just fine. I however do not fare well when people are doing anything that involves tearing up, sanding, drilling, sawing etc.. in my house. I get nervous. Every muscle is clenched and my teeth are being ground down to little nubs. Oddly enough, I am getting alot of studying done. Nervous, toothless, yet educated.

BRING ME MY BITCHES!!!

2006-06-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

All names in this story have been changed as I haven't actually asked if I can write about this yet. This little tale is why I don't hang around groups of women much, I love my female friends, but they are chosen FOR ME BY ME after years of much horrifying trial and error.
Read on....
So I have this friend, we'll call her Jane.
Jane was enthusiastic about joining an online alias (a chat room /online forum) for women at her workplace. As she works primarily with men in her office area, she wanted to find some women she worked with that share her views.
Before you could say "good luck with that" it happened. Someone put up posters near the elevators advertising " Pimp My Cubicle!" presumedly to clean up cubicles and offices, as a take on MTV's Pimp My Ride where people get their crappy cars fixed up.
Many irate messages immediately reared their ugly heads online.
Uptight females from all over the company whining about how people nowdays forget the real meaning of "pimp" and how offensive it is to women.
Jane, quite simply, rocks. Letting them have it with both barrels, stating that with all the ACTUAL problems in the world and the workplace, this is a waste of everyones time, and ending the post with something along the lines of PIMPPIMPPIMPEDYPIMPPIMP.
ha!!!! I am glad to be her friend.
There are 2 morals to this story:
1-Don't forget that special guy in your life on "Remember Your Pimp Day" (they make a card for everything you know).
2-Being politically correct is no substitute for a good orgasm.

LALALA LINOLEUM

2006-06-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

The countertop guys are measuring our kitchen tomorrow! Excitement!! Were getting a new sink too. More excitement!!
My feet are sore and bit bruised from last weeks clumsiness. Ecxitement?

HULK FALL DOWN GO BOOM. AGAIN.

2006-06-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

Fell down again. In the dirt again. For no good reason again. Both feet are sore and one ankle is a bit puffy. The only thing I can make any sense of is I'm severely PMS-ing at the moment, same as last time I hit the dirt. Can hormones make you horribly, if only temporarily clumsy?
On a different and happy note, we got a new TV today. It's pretty!

I'M NOT DEAD.

2006-06-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

Busy busy busy. That's me for a change. I spent a great 2 weeks with my Boo on vacation. We didn't go any place, but got alot of stuff done around the house. We bought a new sink and counter tops, had our trees trimmed and some removed, and scheduled plumbing replacement. Also, I went to see my pal Shellswick in BC for a couple of days. We stayed at a NICE hotel I affectionately called Posh Mc Swanky's home for wayward girls. I highly reccomend a bit of luxury now and then. Miss you Shelly!!
Here's hoping for the end of the tunnel with the "homeland security" paperwork and the Canadian red tape.
BAAH! I want my friend to live here!! Why is that too bloody much to ask?

BOO!

2006-05-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

Shows about ghost hunters make me happy. Chris thinks I'm ridiculous for liking them but someday, someone, might get definitive proof they exist.
However, this can only happen if they throw out the Oija boards and drama club seances, and spend time filming things other than close ups of themselves when they're really freaked out.
Still, I like the idea of ghosts. I hope our house has one.

SOMEBODY GETS PAID TO DO THIS

2006-05-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

Cimmaron, Rialto, Cadet, Memoirs, Serif, San Raphael, Devonshire, Gabrielle, The Patriot.
Horses running in the 3rd perhaps? Dogs who won Best in Show over the past few years?
Toilets. These are the names of toilets.
Chris and I went potty shopping today, and it turned out to be funny.
One was described as having the "raw power of white water majesty".
You can apparently flush 24 golf balls at one time down the "Patriot" (insert joke here).
"Memoirs" is my favorite name, just leaving something behind on paper for the sake of posterity.

DENTURES SOUNDING BETTER ALL THE TIME

2006-05-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

Face swollen, now it really is perfectly round, not just how I see it most of the time. Can't have any hot foods. No mac -n-cheese till tomorrow.
Lots of pain pills. Lots of ice.

GUMS. UNDER THE KNIFE! AN AFTERSCHOOL SPECIAL

2006-05-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is gum surgery part deux.( I shall be heavily hepped up on goofballs all weekend. )
By the way, it is not better this time because I know what to expect.
This is precisely the reason I will never willingly go on the Extreme Scream ride at Knotts Berry Farm again. I know too much.
On the good side I finished the Colored Stones units and can now study my ass off for the biggest test yet!

5 TO GO.....aahg.

2006-05-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

Only 5 quizzes to to and then I can study for the big Colored Stones exam. Colored Stones is twice the size of the Diamonds unit. I'm a wee nervous. I hope to have the the quizzes done by tomorrow if I push it. Thursday it's Gum Surgery PART TWO Electric Boogaloo. I anticipate being entirely out of it most of this weekend.
On the plus side, Chris starts a well earned vacation this Thursday! 3 weeks! I'm excited, almost as much as he is. He's worked his butt off lately and truly deserves a rest.

SO VERY PROUD OF BOO!!

2006-05-12T18:06:00.000-07:00

Here's why! Well, one of the reasons, anyway. Scroll to the bit about "making Bill look good".

GAMEY

2006-05-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

I am a gamer. Officially. I love the Xbox. I love games. I am obsessed.
Chris is quite happy about this, I remain a wee dubious.
But hey, I ATE A THOUSAND SHARKS!!!!
Truly obsessed.

YAY!!

2006-05-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

My hair turned out quite faboo. Thanks to Anna ( hope I spelled it right ) at Borsenos in the U-District. Everybody should go there!
Something went right. It was wise for me to not color it myself. My head would have caught fire or something. Such is my week.
Also, the painful skin is gone, the burn on my hand is now 3 blisters.
Things are looking up.

PAN HOT. HULK HURT.

2006-05-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

Today I burned the shit out of my hand. I picked up a pan that had just come out of the oven with my left hand, the oven mitt was on my right hand. FUCK WHAT A WEEK.
Tomorrow I am having my hair colored. If you are religious, now may be a good time to pray or something.
Please oh please don't make me have to use the word 'bald' in tomorrows post.

SHINGLE WHITE FEMALE

2006-05-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

My skin hurts. I have a problem with the herpes virus and the sun. They get together and make trouble for me a few times a year. It's sort of like shingles. Why it's called that I don't know. Sounds like a ye-olde-tyme disease you'd have to use a mustard plaster and " take the waters" for. Usually, it's just a painful area on my hip or the back of my leg for a day or two and that's it. Yesterday it started with my hip and stomach, and spread to my back and the bottoms of my feet. Today its also under my arms. I never see a rash when this happens, not sure why, just burning pain whenever anything touches my skin. To avoid going completely bat-shit crazy, I have made use of my leftover Vicodin. Hopefully tomorrow it'll be gone. Fun in the sun!! Whee.

WELCOME TO MY MIND

2006-04-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

Thinking on Dante's Divine Comedy, the fun filled theme park known as purgatory and the various tortures he sees damned souls go through.( Let me be clear here. I have not actually read through the entire book. I looked at the pictures tho. They were COOL! )
Anyway, he sees the people who were gluttons in life eat their own feces, other sinners get stung by bees for all eternity, or various insects...again, didn't read the whole thing. Really he's getting his repressed religious road rage out in print.
Dante Algiheris Divine Comedy is just another blog.
Oh, and the answer is 42.
Would you like fries with that?

DORKIER THAN LAST WEEK

2006-04-26T22:25:00.000-07:00

I beat Jewelquest on the Xbox! All 12 achievements!
Hey, I'M excited about it.

FINALLY! AN OLD MAN DRIVES BY ON A TOILET.

2006-04-23T13:36:00.000-07:00

Swear to god. We heard this loud motor coming down the street and there he was. Great pains were taken to attach a toilet, complete with paper roll and toilet brush compartment, to the body of a riding mower. The elderly gentleman nodded to us as he drove by.
No time to take a picture...sadly.
We think he's Chris from the future.

I OUGHTER HAVE MORE FODDER

2006-04-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

Not alot from 'Her Doktor' to report. I'm not needing any tests as he wants to see if I stay healthy (so far so good, for the last six weeks anyway) and then look into tests if needed.
That was just Christian at the door, yes this post is soo boring. I tried. I rode the bus and everything. OhwaitnositsnotWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOO
OOOOOOOOOWEEEEEE!!!
There. Pretend you're on a roller coaster.

WHAT'S UP.

2006-04-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Heyhey. Chris and I went to an auction yesterday, it was so much fun! I want to go to more of them at some point. Easter is coming and I planned to photograph Peeps for a montage. However I ate all my subjects and now must get more. I will do this and post the finished work though it may not be in time for Easter. I have an appointment tomorrow to find out more about why I keep getting sick. Doctors are good blog fodder and I will have a post tomorrow, I'm sure.

CY! SIGH.

2006-04-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

It seems the owner of the body of the adorable cyclops kitten has decided what to do with him.
He's now in the hands of a right wing religious nut. Read the story in Rich's Blog.

SPRING FORWARD, FALL ON YOUR FACE IN THE DIRT

2006-04-04T11:42:00.000-07:00

I fell down. Seriously fell down. All I know is I was locking the front door as we were leaving Friday night for B.C. , and suddenly I was in the gravel next to the walkway, on my face. I am told it looked rather like interpretive dance. My knees are a mess, I have a weird bruise on my thumb and one on my right boob. I broke a limb off a small tree and narrowly missed one of the light fixtures. How I got from locking the door to the gravel is beyond me.
It was worth it to go spend some time with Shelswick!
Boo to Dubya and the Homeland Security laws. Yes, you can all sleep well knowing our country is safe from Shelly.

FOR CHRISTIAN

2006-03-28T23:05:00.000-08:00

I woke up, I painted my ceiling, I ate some cheese, I went to bed.
THE END.

TODAY IS TUESDAY, TOMORROW'S WEDNESDAY.

2006-03-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

When I'm working, hopefully grading diamonds and making more than 12.50 an hour, I'll look back on this time and wish for a day or two of boredom. Right now I'm bored. There's stuff to do, and I'm doing it, the usual dishes, laundry, studying, general tidying etc.. trying to curb my obsession with playing Bejeweled. I need something big to happen. I know not what, hopefully something good. It seems everyone else I know is so busy with exciting life changes right now. I'm excited for them, but I seem to be in a holding pattern. I am going to have to go out and find IT I guess, cuz IT aint findin' me. Just wish I knew what IT was. Hmmm.
In the mean time, the bathroom needs cleaning.

MATH IS HARD, or WHY MY BRAIN DOESN'T GO TO 11

2006-03-17T15:41:00.000-08:00

Numbers hate me. They always have. I'm trying to study my Gemology and be all smart and shit and I just keep thinking about my stupid, useless flashcards in the sixth grade. I should have saved them and sent them to a poor child in a third world country who would appreciate pieces of cardboard with numbers on them. Instead I threw them out. There wasn't a recycling program at that point, so the ink probably poisoned the soil in the landfill. The soil was used to grow something that something ate, that someone ate, and pooped out, which was treated and released as water which is used in ink.
The numbers are still there. I may have some of them in my house right now.

I DON'T GO TO MOVIES ANYMORE, SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO GET THEIR PHONE SURGICALLY REMOVED FROM THEIR ASS, SO YOU SEE, I CAN'T GO.

2006-03-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

Good. It's about time. Read this. You, Mr. I'llkeepmybabyquietbyjinglingmykeys.
You, Ms. Snortlikeapigbeingcornholedevenduringtheseriousparts.
You, the Letsbringpaperbaglunchesforallsixofusandtradesandwicheswitheachother family.
You, Mrs. Whatdidhesay?Whydidhesaythat?Whatdidtheydothatfor?
Little Billy Seatkicker and his older sister Cindy Gumcracker. And most especially, the members of the sacred society of I'mtooimportanttoturnoffmyphone.
You know who you are.

I SHALL WORSHIP NO FALSE IDOLS

2006-03-11T00:11:00.000-08:00

Leif Garrett is in rehab again. Ah, Leif. LeifLeifLeif. What a lovely picture of you. The orange prison jumpsuit accents the receding hairline and the giant scab between your eye brows quite nicely. Did somebody in jail beat the crap out of you for being the biggest thing to hit Tiger Beat magazine in 1978?
I was among your followers, you had kissable lips and tight satin pants, who could not go crazy for that? in 1979...
I saw you on stage at the Puyallup fair, you with those lips, you with those pants, surrounded by screaming 13 year olds all high on Bonne Bell lipgloss and a dream TO BE MRS. LEIF GARRETT. Yes we all wanted to marry the tight satin pants and be introduced to what was in them. Does any body want what's in your orange jumpsuit?
This part of my youth did not go fleetingly, it most certainly did not go gracefully.
It laughed so hard it farted loudly in front of a bunch of people and then curled up in a ball and died from shame.

SOMEONE TOLD ME NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY

2006-03-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

Nothing special or even interesting to report today. Still sick, but much better than a few days ago. Starting my Colored Stones class this afternoon. It might snow, might not. Yesterday, I read two blogs and saw one TV show all about farts. That's about it.

MY EYE!

2006-03-06T12:07:00.000-08:00

Laurie Notaro is one of my favorite writers. A funnier woman you will not find anywhere. I'm thinking about her now because my eye won't stop twitching. She calls it "squinky eye" and even gives an acurate description of the noise it would make, if it made noise. Bllllmm, bllm, blllmm. My squinky eye is driving me crazy as it's been going on since my sinuses freaked out. Blllmm. At least I can laugh about it. Thank you Laurie. Bllmm.

SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS AND PELT HIM WITH BEADS. SHARP, POINTY BEADS.

2006-03-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

We've all seen what the evil monkey has been up to. If anything good can be said about the latest headlines, at least it's keeping a national tragedy in our minds. Once it's not front page, us 'mercans tend to forget about things rather quickly. This was sent to me by a family friend who lives there, and sees it every day. Thanks, Michelle!

These look like pictures the Sun Herald newspaper has been printing everyday. They are going to be releasing a book of the "before & after" photos in May. It can be ordered at www.sunherald.com.

THIS IS WHAT BLOGS ARE FOR

2006-03-04T05:33:00.000-08:00

Note: 5:30 am Saturday March 4th 2006. This is when I finally figured out what to do with "racing brain". I'll blog it to death and go back to sleep.
So I'm thinking about the song "Alone Again Naturally" by Gilbert o' Sullivan.
In a little while from now- If I’m not feeling any less sour-I promise myself to treat myself And visit a nearby tower- And climbing to the top will throw myself off- In an effort to make it clear to who Ever what it’s like when you’re shattered -Left standing in the lurch at a church Where people saying: "My God, that’s tough She's stood him up"No point in us remaining- We may as well go home As I did on my own- Alone again, naturally..."
The only reason I know this cheery hit from the late 60's, is thanks to Ms. S. Her full name is the only thing I don't remember about her. She was short, about my height now, 5 feet or so, and round. In a bold fashion stroke frequently immortalised years later in Far Side cartoons, Ms. S. wore short sleeved house dresses, cat eye glasses on a chain around her neck, a tightly done beehive and red lipstick perfectly applied in the shape of a three leaf clover. You know what I mean, mimes do this all the time. It's what you'd draw for a mouth in Pictionary if you wanted to indicate what you were drawing was female. Or a mime.
She was my third grade choir teacher, and this was one of the songs we learned.
Children really don't get irony.

IDES OF MARCH or ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOCTOR

2006-03-02T13:31:00.000-08:00

Still sick, Chris isn't feeling well either. Someone's been using one of our credit card numbers to go on a $1,200.00 shoe shopping spree. Luckily, the credit card people are on top of it. We won't have to pay. On the way to the doctor we got a ticket for rolling through a stop sign. At the doctor, they told me they had scheduled me for the 30th instead of today, I put my foot down, and they 'got me in',.. at the time I was supposed to be scheduled for in the first place. Then I sat in an exam room waiting for half an hour. In the end here's what I know:
My CT scans are normal, but I'm sick as a dog. Once I'm well thanks to giant pills and many nose sprays , we'll look into immune system issues and why this keeps happening.
I hate today.

MIXED MEDIA: SILK AND PREMATURE KITTENS

2006-03-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

You think I'm kidding?

DO I HAVE TO DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN?

2006-02-28T11:40:00.000-08:00

SINUS ATTACK! Again. Sunday I did a voice over job, a book on DVD, and had a ripping headache the whole time. Tylenol and Advil together didn't touch it. Yesterday, I woke up with a sore throat and coughing up dark green globs with dried blood in them. IN ONE DAY.
From headache to bloody globs in 24 hours. Chris and Christian are sick too, apparently there is a cold going around. Although, goo the color of Christmas seems to be my special thing...gak. I go back to the doctor Thursday to discuss my CT sinus scan, He's going to tell me I have sinus gnomes or a tumor or perhaps trees are growing in there, I just know it.

SHE'S KEEPER OF THE GEMS

2006-02-25T16:53:00.000-08:00

This woman rocks. She travels around with her band and collection of "gem sweaters" in an old Winnebago. I hope to meet her someday, I have a fabulous sweater of my own.
I like the Holiday video and the Gem Sweater video best.

TWO TALES #2 RIDICULOUS

2006-02-23T12:40:00.000-08:00

I needed a cheeseburger. Unfortunately, so did all the yuppie housewives and their kids that day. What did I expect really, from a place called Jonny Rockets in a place like University Village. Freely, I admit it's guilty pleasure for me. Sephora, Crate and Barrel, jewelry stores to look at, and faux 50's diner cheese burgers. Also, a lot of mothers pushing strollers with multiple seats , I do understand the desparate need to get out of the house, so I'm fairly tolerant, mostly.
I'm starving, there's one seat left. One seat next to a woman with three kids. Bouncing, screeching, vibrating kids.
Stomach vs. good sense, dignity,and what's left of my last nerve. Stomach wins.
I order my food, kid number one pouts and refuses to eat.
I eat all the onion rings first, kid number two stands up in the booth and runs back and forth on the seats, pounding on the windows at people passing by outside.
I eat half a mediocre BBQ burger, kid number three is laying down on the window ledge above the seat, smearing ketchup and burger bits all over his face and yelling NO!! NO!! for reasons known only to him.
I sip my vanilla Coke and glare my best evil at Mom.
Mom is glaring back like she's used to it and pulls a designer wallet out of a designer purse. They're leaving!!! Yes!!
I think hard at her : CONDOMS AND RITALIN, CONDOMS AND RITALIN,
trying to make the world a better place with just the power of my mind.
Sometimes, lunch, like birth control, is all about timing.

OFF THE SCALE

2006-02-22T19:09:00.000-08:00

As the coughing continues, I spend more time in doctors offices than anyone would like. Yesterday, for the first time, I had allergy testing. I'm allergic to none of 36 things they tried. Tomorrow I get a CT scan of my sinuses. Whee! 36 needles came nowhere near to bugging me as much as being weighed.
It's always the same, I have to train new doctors to respect the fact that I don't want to know the number on the scale. Stupid though it may be, that number can ruin my day.
The nurse ( who couldn't tip the scales herself at more than 95 pounds ) takes my temperature, blood pressure, etc...and asks me to get on the scale, I inform her I will only do so if she agrees to let me keep my back to the scale and not to tell me my weight.
"Aww, why don't you want to know your weight?" dissapointed, mystified even, scales are a friend of hers from way back, I can tell.
Then I notice the name tag she's wearing. TINY. Her name is TINY. I shit you not.
TINY continues to stare at me. Her eyes are huge. Or maybe her head is just small, I don't know. I stare, TINY stares, I stare. It's a stare off.
In the end, I win!
I'm bigger.

TWO TALES #1 SAD

2006-02-22T15:57:00.000-08:00

Having a blog turns me into a spy.
Sometimes I spy what could have happened. You turn left instead of right and end up where you are. Sometimes my complete inability to tune out other peoples noise comes in handy, sometimes, it's depressing as hell.
I'm on the bus again, 2 seats kitty-corner in front of me a man in a leather cap and obnoxiously large sunglasses and a girl with long red hair talking loudly and looking at pamphlets.
"Look! We get orange juice, and apple juice and eggs. Can we have hard boiled eggs when we get home, pleeeeese?"
"You have cravings or something?" Leather Cap was snotty, also loud and too slow.
Another stop, a man gets on and sits next to Red Hair, across the aisle.
"POPPY!!!" She holds her arms out to him and turns around. Poppy looks uncomfortable if not suprised, but says nothing, he hugs her back.
Her face suprised me in a way it couldn't have if I hadn't been listening at the back of her head first. Eyes so black, desperate and weird for a second I felt like she'd smacked me across the face. I sat back further in my seat. Scratching at the spots on her face, she didn't notice my blatant staring, there was only so much time 'till we got to the park and ride, and Poppy was in for an earful.
" ..and we have a lamp and a blanket that will fit perfect with a crib, and the nurse said we can win 500.00, they have a drawing, and she said we can use it for anything for the baby, she said we'd probably win and someones donating a brand new car seat and..."
Leather Hat took off his giant sunglasses and showed everybody why he was wearing them . His eyes were bright red slits, comical and stupid.
"Since the housing is so hard to get, they said it's in our best interest for you to support us."
Obviously pleased with his two cents, he pulled out a book and began to read, or sleep, hard to tell.
Sensing she was losing Poppy, she pulled out the prenatal vitamins the "nurse" gave her, and talked a mile a minute, the older man said nothing at all.
At this point I put in my ear phones.
I thought about that baby to be and turned up the music.
Left instead of right honey, I hope you can see it in time. Good luck.

WHAT ARE WORDS FOR?

2006-02-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

I have a pet peeve that doesn't involve cake. Pay careful attention kiddies and adults alike.
THE FOLLOWING WORDS DO NOT EXIST:

EXPRESSO
EXPECIALLY
DIN'T
HELLA
BOKAY
SAMWICH
SAMMICH
This has been a public service announcement.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOO.

2006-02-16T18:42:00.000-08:00

Happy 35th birthday sweetie! I love you so much. You actually make me look forward to the day I try to stick a candle in your birthday smoothie and help you trim your ear hair to get ready for your big party.
XXXOOO

SOON YOU'LL BE ASKING YOURSELF WHY YOU CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT IT.

2006-02-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

www.awfulplasticsurgery.com

THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND

2006-02-07T14:46:00.000-08:00

Over-heard today on the bus.
"...this this one lady there said she makes up to 500 dollars for each one! I did one last week and I'm on my way to one at the college now."
"So, you're basically a human guinea pig?"
"Yeah, Except they won't let me do the ones where you have to take drugs any more, It's not fair! I haven't had a seizure in years."

DELIVER ME FROM FOOTBALL REFERENCES

2006-02-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

ONE MORE REASON I MARRIED HIM

2006-02-05T16:05:00.000-08:00

So it's Superbowl Sunday, guess what I'm doing. Geeking on my laptop while my husband catches up on back episodes of Gilmore Girls.
His choice.
I'm so not kidding. God I love that man!

TESTY

2006-02-03T16:53:00.000-08:00

Today I took the big Diamonds and Diamond Grading test. 100 questions. It only took me 1 of the alloted 2 hours, and wasn't too terrible. I flat out guessed on 2 questions but over-studied for most of it. I won't know for about a week or so how I did. In the mean time..It's on to the next class, Colored Stones!

AAAAAAG.

2006-02-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?....EXACTLY WHICH PART OF NO MORE STADIUMS DO THEY NOT GET? This is what happened when the Mariners won the championship thingy, why do we as a community allow ourselves to be bullied by sports teams? Has no one seen Revenge of the Nerds?

from KOMO news.
SEATTLE - Seattle SuperSonics principal owner Howard Schultz said Wednesday he will look at all options - including moving or selling the team - if the state Legislature fails to earmark $200 million for the Sonics to refurbish KeyArena or build a new home.
Schultz, who talked to reporters before the Sonics' game against the Golden State Warriors, said he's told team president Wally Walker to look at all the alternatives.
One would be moving the Sonics to a market known to be interested in acquiring an NBA franchise, such as Las Vegas; Norfolk, Va., or Oklahoma City, or to one of three cities - Anaheim, Calif.; Kansas City, Mo., and San Jose, Calif. - that have made overtures to Sonics officials, the team said in a statement.
Schultz didn't answer when asked whether he would still be involved in owning the team should it move to another city.

SMOOPERBOWL, POOPERBOWL

2006-01-31T18:47:00.000-08:00

Who cares? Not I. Nope. Win, lose, whatever. Just don't build another damn stadium.

AND THIS WAS NOT WHAT I'D CALL A NIGHTMARE

2006-01-31T14:13:00.000-08:00

I had a dream that I had to play Chris in some kind of theater production. I was having trouble with the facial hair, someone suggested I use cereal. It didn't matter cause no one was in the audience anyway.
At least nobody was trying to kill me.

THE GIRLS DON'T EAT

2006-01-30T19:47:00.000-08:00

Watching the Gilmore Girls brought up a problem I have with food on T.V.
Nobody ever eats it.
The Girls talk about how much they eat all the time. I have yet to see fork meet mouth. They walk from scene to scene past donuts, cakes, and piles of croissants like they aren't there. Just before or after someone will go on for several minutes about how much Rory and Lorelei eat all the time.
Cheese burgers and fries are talked about, around, and over, they are picked up and gestured with, ordered and delivered. The men eat them, the women don't.
This is the only thing I don't like about the show.

TOTALLY GNARLY

2006-01-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

Since I turned 40 my body thinks it's 14 again, a second puberty, if you will. I bought new bras and had to go up a size to DDD..or as most manufacturers list them, F. They completely skip the E and dive straight into the next letter. I'm a 38 F. Holy Jesus on a cracker.
Also Retin-A is back in my life as an acne renaissance took place on my 40 year old face a few months ago. No wrinkles, no mustache, just zits.
If my dentist tells me I need to wear braces again, somebody send in the Quantum Leap guy to rescue me.

GOOD NEWS FOR A CHANGE

2006-01-27T16:02:00.000-08:00

Great news, though a bit distressing that it only passed by 2 votes.

Senate Passes Gay Civil Rights Bill January 27, 2006
KOMO News 4

OLYMPIA - Lawmakers passed a gay civil rights measure on Friday, a major victory for gay rights activists who have watched the measure fail in the Legislature for nearly 30 years.
The bill passed the Senate on a 25-23 vote, with a lone Republican joining majority Democrats. The House quickly concurred, and Gov. Chris Gregoire said she planned to sign the bill into law Tuesday.
Cheers erupted from the Senate's balconies, which were packed with onlookers expecting the bill to clear its perennial roadblock.
Rep. Ed Murray, a Seattle Democrat who has sponsored the bill for 11 years, was given a standing ovation in the House after the measure gained final approval.
"I know for some, you're not happy," said Murray, one of four openly gay lawmakers in the Legislature. "For others, it's a historic day that quite honestly we wouldn't imagine could have happened even a few short years ago. It's a new dawn, it's a new day."
The measure adds "sexual orientation" to a state law that bans discrimination in housing, employment and insurance, making Washington the 17th state passing such laws covering gays and lesbians, and the seventh to protect transgender people.
Sen. Bill Finkbeiner, R-Kirkland, was the sole Senate Republican to endorse the measure, a year after it lost by just one vote in the Senate. Two Senate Democrats voted against the measure. One Republican was not present.
"We don't choose who we love. The heart chooses who we will love. And I don't believe that it is right for us to say ... that it's acceptable to discriminate against people because of that," Finkbeiner said in a floor speech.
Sen. Dan Swecker, R-Rochester, said the measure would "trample unrelentingly" on religious viewpoints that object to gays.
"We, the state, are telling people to accept, actually to embrace, something that goes against their religious views," he said.
The measure passed the House last week on a 60-37 vote, with six Republicans joining 54 Democrats in support.
Republicans amended the bill on the House floor to say that it would not modify or change state marriage laws.
The state Supreme Court heard arguments on a case challenging Washington's ban on gay marriage last year, and a ruling is expected in the coming weeks.
A Senate amendment this week added a caveat saying the state doesn't endorse "any specific belief, practice, behavior, or orientation."
"We have truly made history," Gregoire said in a news conference following the vote.
Gregoire told Sens. Maria Cantwell, D-Wash., and Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., the news by cell phone, holding the phone away from her ear as she said they cheered. Cantwell and Clinton were in Seattle for a fundraiser Friday.
The measure was first introduced in 1977, but it is most closely associated with the state's first openly gay lawmaker, Democrat Cal Anderson of Seattle, who sponsored it for eight years before he died of AIDS in 1995.
"I don't doubt that he's really smiling down on us right now," said his partner of 10 years, Eric Ishina of Seattle. "He gave a lot of us the enthusiasm and energy to keep fighting for this bill."
The fight for the bill in essence came to an end this month, when Finkbeiner announced he would switch his vote, and the momentum of support continued outside of Olympia.
Earlier this month, several companies, including Microsoft Corp., Boeing Co., Hewlett-Packard Co. and Nike Inc. signed a letter urging passage of the measure, which would add "sexual orientation" to a state law that already bans discrimination in housing, employment and insurance based on race, gender, age, disability, religion, marital status and other factors.
Microsoft's pitch for the bill comes a year after it was denounced for quietly dropping its support.
The bill has sparked significant debate across the state, and two public hearings drew dozens of people who opposed the measure on moral grounds.
"What you're going to have to have now is the promoting of homosexual sex as normal via the apparatus of government," said Dr. Joseph B. Fuiten of the Faith & Freedom Network.
Fuiten said his organization was preparing to file for a referendum on the bill, but added that he may wait on the Supreme Court's ruling on gay marriage.
Gregoire said she would fight any effort to undo the law.
"I will fight any initiative, any referendum that tries to take back the equality these folks and others around our great state have been given today," she said.
Celebrations were planned in nine cities Friday night, including Seattle, Bellingham, Spokane and Yakima.

BRAIN ALERT DOWNGRADED TO AMBER

2006-01-26T16:25:00.000-08:00

I cleared a hurtle in studying today. I now understand where to look to find weight correction ratios when estimating mounted stone weight. YAY!! I don't entirely get WHY the number I look up is what it is, but I know where to find it.
I'm old and my brain is brittle. I might fall down and break a lobe and then a surgeon will have to replace it with titanium, or plastic, or a pigs brain...
I like mittens. Sleep now?

MY BRAINS FLY IS OPEN

2006-01-25T16:32:00.000-08:00

I'm stuck. I can't study. My brain has quit and I'm left with an attention span a gnat would laugh at.
Gnats are laughing.
I am taking the Diamonds and Diamond grading test next week and I feel so disconnected from the material it barely makes sense. I really need to get to LOOK AT ACTUAL STONES. I'm not so good with just reading and memorizing facts, I am a hands on person.
Not a good day...gnats....bad day.

MEET MS. GRAY

2006-01-17T15:22:00.000-08:00

For the first time in a long time I'm down to my original, real, virginal hair color. It's still mousy, dark, dishwater blonde. If Crayola made a color called 'bored to death' my hair could be used as reference material.
Until now..
I have a suprising amount of white hairs growing here and there. I'm HAPPY about this! Yes, happy. My whole adult life I've fried the crap out of my hair with color to give it ..well, color, and texture 'cause it really has none of it's own on either account. Gray hair has more texture than young hair and BONUS!!! It might go white..coooool.
In the meantime I'm getting highlights done and keeping my fingers crossed for more grays.

WHY WOMEN LIVE LONGER, AND OTHER THINGS MY HEMORRHOID TAUGHT ME

2006-01-10T11:15:00.000-08:00

Today I had a rubber band tied around my hemerrhoid. Oddly, this is not the point.
Flash back two days to my brother Matt's birthday at my parents house. He and Dad are going on about how horrible it is to have a yearly physical and this trauma is why Matt has only had one physical in his adult life. 'Having somebody poke around up there is no fun, and how I 'just don't understand'...comedy gold, Dad.
Flash forward to this morning in the colorectal clinic waiting room. Joining me are a young woman with a child, they're waiting for Daddy.
From the hallway the doctor can be heard " just sit for a moment and have a drink of water, take deep breaths, you'll be fine."
The woman across from me looks concerned 'till she is told her husband had a bit of a problem and almost fainted. I look at her, she looks at me, the big headed child on her lap looks at me, we all roll our eyes.
The rubber banding took about 30 seconds, and though I'm quite sore, I've certainly been through worse.
When I asked about the fainting guy, I brought up my brother and how he won't get a physical.
The doctor stopped humming 'Strangers in the Night' ( you have to be able to laugh at it, you know) "women live longer, makes you think doesn't it?"
Moral of the story: Quit being a whiny-ass baby, bend over and cough.

GRAB TWO OF EVERYTHING

2006-01-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

I'm no fan of hot sunny days, and talking about the weather is kind of a cop out, but I'm so fucking tired of this winter. Fifty degrees and rainrainrainrainrainrainrainrain. Sometimes things get wacky and there's fog. WHERE'S MY SNOW? WHY DID IT GET DARK AT 2:30 TODAY AND WHERE'S MY SNOW? aaaaaaaaaaag. I'm going to sleep, wake me up in June.

MY RESOLUTION

2005-12-29T10:37:00.000-08:00

Listening to the radio last night I hit a wall of zero tolerance. "We're talking with Doctor Blahblahblah from the institute of Whatthefuckever about his miracle breakthrough in the war on fat."
WAR ON FAT.
Someone's declared war? Not on me personally, just on the cells in my body,...OOOHH, well,ok then.
People who lack self esteem will pay alot to get it. These companies know that. Make you feel like shit about yourself so they can 'help' you. For a price.
Television is sending in waves of troops armed with before and after photos ( "I went from a SIZE 10 to a size 4!") and glass beakers filled with "five pounds of UGLY fat!"
What they're not telling you is that a size 10 is an average healthy size, AND those 'before' photos aren't what we're led to believe. Some of them are ACTUALLY pictures of women when they're pregnant, or just after having a baby. HMMMMM...
I have taken a good look at myself just like Doctor Whothehellcares asked over the radio waves last night. I considered each part individually, and came to this conclusion. The roundness of my belly gets in the way sometimes, and can easily be managed with a daily walk. My tits and I came to terms with each other long ago. I would like to have a stronger jawline, ... any jawline, it's a family trait that's been there since puberty. That will be my concession to plastic surgery someday, but that's it.
I actually LIKE my butt and even though my calves are big they are very muscular and strong and have a nice shape.
Over all I've found that I bitch far too much about a body I really quite like. It's not the body I had at 25, but why should it be?
I bitch because it seems like the thing to do, all my friends do it. Lame excuse.
Friendly fire.
I'd like my friends to join me in telling Doctor Whatshisass to go fuck himself cause we're going AWOL.
If not, I'm going anyway.
I'm finally ready.

THREE CHEERS FOR CHO!

2005-12-27T00:42:00.000-08:00

Margaret Cho is my hero. She should run for President. I just finished reading her latest book, I Have Chosen To Stay And Fight. She is brutally honest and outspoken and utterly unapolegetic about her views. I admire that and find it lacking in myself at inconvenient times. This mealy mouthed suburban hausfrau salutes you Margaret! I have truly grown soft and lazy in the last few years. Many chapters will be revisited when I'm feeling particularly slackalicious.

JOLLY HOLIDAYS!!

2005-12-23T11:53:00.000-08:00

GROOVY SOLSTICE, FESTIVE YULE, JAMMIN' EPIPHANY,CRAZY KWAANZA, HAPPY HANNUKA, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!
for those among us who think it's ok to politically correct the shit out of the holidays, have a nice weekend.

NO EXCUSES

2005-12-20T22:43:00.000-08:00

Ok...I'm a lazy tard. Here are a few of the Disneyland pictures. They are on Chris' Blog. It really was a great trip! There is a link to ALL of them at the end of his post.
ENJOY!

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T LOVE HIM MORE...

2005-12-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

Below is an article from KING5 News.
The slimy power hungry little Golem just got slimier. He's got garlic in his soul.
You hold him down, I'll get the 39-and-a-half-foot pole.

Dec 19, 12:16 PM EST
Bush says NSA surveillance necessary, legal
By TERENCE HUNT AP White House Correspondent

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush, brushing aside bipartisan criticism in Congress, said Monday he approved spying on suspected terrorists without court orders because it was "a necessary part of my job to protect" Americans from attack.
The president said he would continue the program "for so long as the nation faces the continuing threat of an enemy that wants to kill American citizens," and added it included safeguards to protect civil liberties.
Bush bristled at a year-end news conference when asked whether there are any limits on presidential power in wartime.
"I just described limits on this particular program, and that's what's important for the American people to understand," Bush said.

Raising his voice, Bush challenged Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid and Democratic Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton - without naming them - to allow a final vote on legislation renewing the anti-terror Patriot Act. "I want senators from New York or Los Angeles or Las Vegas to go home and explain why these cities are safer" without the extension, he said.
Reid represents Nevada; Clinton is a New York senator, and both helped block passage of the legislation in the Senate last week.
"In a war on terror we cannot afford to be without this law for a single moment," Bush said.
The legislation has cleared the House but Senate Democrats have blocked final passage and its prospects are uncertain in the final days of the congressional session.
On another issue, Bush acknowledged that a pre-war failure of American intelligence - claiming that Saddam Hussein possessed weapons of mass destruction - has complicated the United States' ability to confront other potential emerging threats such as Iran.
"Where it is going to be most difficult to make the case is in the public arena," Bush said. "People will say, if we're trying to make the case on Iran, `Well, if the intelligence failed in Iraq, therefore, how can we trust the intelligence on Iran?'"
The news conference ran just shy of an hour. It was the latest in a series of events - appearances outside Washington, meetings with members of Congress and an Oval Office address on Sunday night - in which the president has sought to quell criticism of the war in Iraq and reverse his months-long slide in the polls.
In opening news conference remarks, Bush said the warrantless spying, conducted by the National Security Agency, was an essential element in the war on terror.
"It was a shameful act for someone to disclose this important program in a time of war. The fact that we're discussing this program is helping the enemy," he said.
The existence of the program was disclosed last week, triggering an outpouring of criticism in Congress, but an unflinching defense from Bush and senior officials of his administration.
The president spoke not long after Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said Congress had given Bush authority to spy on suspected terrorists in this country in legislation passed after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.
Bush and other officials have said the program involved monitoring phone calls and e-mails of individuals in this country believed to be plotting with terrorists overseas.
Normally, no wiretapping is permitted in the United States without a court warrant. But Bush said he approved the action without such orders "because it enables us to move faster and quicker. We've got to be fast on our feet.
"It is legal to do so. I swore to uphold the laws. Legal authority is derived from the Constitution," he added.
Domestic issues were scarcely mentioned during the news conference.
But at one point, Bush responded to criticism of his record on racial issues, exacerbated by the images of thousands of blacks stranded in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.
"One of the most hurtful things I can hear is, you know, Bush doesn't care about African-Americans," he said. "First of all, it's not true. And secondly, I am - I believe that - obviously, I've got to do a better job of communicating, I guess, to certain folks." He urged Congress to reauthorize the Voting Rights Act and promised to sign it.
Despite the weighty issues Bush addressed, the president bantered with reporters at times during the news conference.
"So many questions, so little time," said one, and the president had a ready quip. "Ask a short question," he said.
But the session was dominated by national security issues - principally the newly disclosed spying program by the NSA.
Bush emphasized that only international calls were monitored without court order - those placed from within the United States and going overseas, or those placed from other countries to individuals living in this country.
He stressed that calls placed and received within the United States would be monitored as has long been the case, after an order is granted by a secret court under the provisions of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act.
One of the principal provisions of the Patriot Act permitted the government to gain warrants in cases involving investigations into suspected terrorists in the United States - an expansion of powers previously limited to intelligence cases.

BUS, SHORT, THE

2005-12-14T22:06:00.000-08:00

I have the misfortune to be on a bus line that goes past a high school. I should know better than to ride between 2 and 4pm. I HATE TEENAGERS. I hated being a teenager, I wouldn't let anybody call me a teenager I hated the word so much.
Anyway, holy crap they're obnoxious! Leaving one side of the bus to get away from the screeching teenage girls on their cel phones only brought me closer to the group of teenage boys calling them selves and each other "niggah" instead of using "I" or "you". When a friend of theirs got on at a later stop a chorus of "hey niggah!" greeted him, to which he yelled " hey niggahs!" back.
OK, I am a whitey-mcwhite-white-mayo-and-wonderbread-norweigian-lutefisk eating-sit in a sauna and slap your self with branches in the snow afterwards crazy old woman. That being said...
I really believe some words will NEVER gain acceptance, regardless of how much misguided, walking hormone bomb 'they say it in movies so it must be ok' teenagers repeat them.
I really believe these kids had little to no concept of the weight and nastiness words can have. I also believe none of them say that in front of their parents. Maybe if they did a lesson or two from not so distant history could be passed down.
In the mean time, all of us plus sized girls should get together.
"Hiya fat bitch!" " "Hey you bacon eatin' hooor!"
Think it'll offend anyone?

INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO POKE THEIR OWN EYES OUT WITH A FORK

2005-12-08T16:29:00.000-08:00

This is an actual article found in Yahoo today.
I would have been nice to hear more about why this guy lost his job, y'know, the point of the story and all.
It's comforting to know that though people are starving, dying, raped, kidnapped, murdered, or swindeld out of their basic rights by a dangerous idiot with too much power, we as a nation can count on REAL journalism to keep us informed. God bless America.
As soon as Babs picks an eye booger or something, we'll be the first to know.

Streisand Cancels LA Times Subscription
Thu Dec 8, 3:43 PM ET
LOS ANGELES -
Barbra Streisand has canceled her subscription to the Los Angeles Times over the firing of the paper's liberal columnist.
The newspaper dropped Robert Scheer and several other columnists last month; Scheer speculated he was let go because the Times had tired of his politics.
Perhaps the most liberal voice on the paper's opinion pages, Scheer had been a Times columnist for 12 years. He was a reporter for the newspaper for 17 years before that.
"Robert Scheer's column, with its often singular voice of dissent and groundbreaking expositional content, has been among the most notable features that have sustained my interest in subscribing to the LA Times for many years now," Streisand wrote in a letter she sent to the newspaper and posted on her Web site.
Streisand, a well-known supporter of Democratic candidates and liberal causes, wrote that by firing Scheer the Times had reduced the diversity of voices on its opinion pages. A shortened version of her letter was printed in the Times Nov. 23. The full letter is posted on her Web site.
In a note to its readers, the Times reported Nov. 15 that hundreds of readers had written or called to complain about Scheer's departure.
David Garcia, a Times spokesman, had no comment Thursday on Streisand's letter.

CASTRATING CHRISTMAS

2005-12-07T22:48:00.000-08:00

Good grief.
Click here.